By Kia “The Supa Produca” Ganey
The fact that I am single has come up every show for the past 2.5 years. If anyone is counting that is 104 times. I take it in stride because all the jokes are in love and I totally enjoy the conversation. I know a lot of Christian women say things like they are waiting on God, they are being patient or my personal favorite “I am spending this time to get to know myself”. Every time I hear these women repeat these self help book quotes I want to fall on the floor laughing because I know they really want to say BEING SINGLE SUCKS.
My dating life has been a comedy of massive errors, everything from falling in love with a man in college, whom to this day uses my emotions as his own personal play ground. The slacker with good intentions. The business man who was demanding sexual situations that made my stomach turn. The drug dealer with the heart of gold. The slacker again (the slacker was actually 3 times and an engagement ring). The stockbroker with the substance abuse problem the wealthy New York playboy, and the worst one, the perfect Christian man who was emotionally abusive. Each man left me feeling like I was useless…THEN made me feel stupid for even thinking that any of them were good enough for me.
I have been dating since I was 22 and with each date and each man I realize that I would rather sit through a math class taught by Steven Hawking than to do this again… but I continue to go on dates. Why do I continue to go? Because I learn something new each time. This past year of dating I had an amazing realization. A light bulb went off in my head. I realized that I am not proving myself to the man, he is proving himself to me. Oddly enough my dating life picked up at the same time I was searching for another job. I started treating dates like I was treating interviews and vice versa. No, I was not hammering questions away at the guy or getting a full background history, but I was asking the same questions to myself that I would think about in an interview. For example, if I make a mistake are you going to “let me go” right off the bat? Does this space fit what I am looking for? Could I be excited about seeing you and coming to you every day? Do you understand me and my path as a woman? Can we move to the future together? Of course none of these questions get answered right off the bat, but as you date, you learn key information that helps you make the decision of “This is the man for me”.
As my mind started to change and mature, men started dropping like flies. None of the men I was initially attracted to were men I would date seriously. I wanted so badly to go back to the mind set of “none of this matters, I don’t just want to be a girlfriend…I want to be a wife” but you can’t go back to that mindset once God has opened your eyes AND THAT SUCKS. Once God gives you a light bulb you can’t turn it off and the majority of the time I do not want to.
Some days I have moments of just wanting attention from a man but in the end I want to see more, I want to learn more and I want the right man for me. I know some women say that all these trials are helping me prepare for the right man (this also makes me laugh). I say that my trials and experiences make me a better friend to get advice from and a better woman to share what I have learned with other women and young girls. It also makes me a better comedian and enables me to entertain the masses with my horrible dating stories.
I am 27 now and I am single…and like I said it sucks BUT I won’t settle when it comes to choosing a man. You can’t settle on a person who you will share a love with and someday share children with. I know what I am worth as a woman and it took me a long time to figure it out. I am still a work in progress and like most single woman I am keeping hope alive that one day the man that is right for me will be here when I need them. Until then…BEING SINGLE SUCKS.
XOXO
KIA
Kia Ganey is a trained Google Analyst, blogger and fashionista. She produces and cohosts a weekly talk show called Life Full Circle Radio with Miguel Lloyd. The show includes super producer, Nikkia Ganey with hot topics, Seshmi Robertson with Entertainment, Charles Hurd with Sports and Alton Drew with the Politics365.com Politics segment. Join us this and every Saturday morning for the lively conversation by clicking HERE!
Hey there, Kia! I have been single longer than you – more than I care to admit and I truly appreciate your commentary. Can I tell you I am one of those women who used to make and say such comments to keep me from feeling lonely and not bothered by the fact that I am in fact single and alone, but I have also come to terms that while I have been blessed as a single woman, I am annoyed at the situation and worried that it won’t come to an end. I, too, will not settle, and continue to date often as well. Why? Because I don’t want to be, duh, right…LOL! But I will not settle and will have to wait because of that one nagging aspect – not settling!!!
Thank you for your insight and I will continue to follow up! Have a pleasant and blessed Thanksgiving!
Very true cousin…I personally have been asked by clients while on the job why I’m not married. And for the ladies who are “waiting” because ‘he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing’, should read Ruth.